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I realize it's been more days than usual since my last entry... apologies... Items of interest are as follows: 1. Talked w/Ozzie over the phone on Friday. It was a good conversation, full of flirty talk about meeting and the fact that he thinks I sound like a 16 year old...which I denied vehemently, of course! It's not my fault that I sound young! Still, it was good to finally hear his voice... we almost talked again on Tuesday, but phones were down in his part of the world so we didn't get a chance to talk...instead, we chatted a bit in IM. I am wondering if this friendship will last. He got a rather weird letter that I had written during the Orlando fiasco weekend...I finally sent it to him with the caveat that it was how I felt at that time...it was a big "woe is me" sort of letter...anyhow, he got it over the weekend and was telling me that he would show the letter to me again in 10 years...I asked him if we'd still be in touch in 10 years... he seems to think so...I hope so, but I have no grand expectations there. I don't know how or when or if we will ever meet. We're talking like we will, but my own body image insecurities are getting in the way... so, what else is new, right? He was talking in IM the other day about his weight and how he's been working out and feeling good and whatnot...I told him I was happy for him and left it at that...well, we also covered the fact that he wasn't taking anything to help him get the body he wanted (i.e. unnatural chemicals) and I shot back that my body was "all natural"...lol... We're entering a strange phase now... he will be back soon...so long as the Army doesn't decide to send him to Iraq and, well...it's one thing to talk to someone in IM when he's thousands of miles away...and another thing entirely to deal with him in person. I am not sure how I will deal with the reality of him being back in the States. I am afraid of the possibility of me getting to like him too much. This could be a bad thing. 2. Meanwhile, I met someone in a chat room and he wants to meet me in person. He lives not too far away, only an hour's drive, and he wants to drive down, hook up with me for two hours in a motel, then drive back home again...isn't that insane?! Well, maybe not THAT insane...lol...he likes my photos, he says...all of them. I was all for the spontenaiety at the beginning, but it's taking too long for the actual meeting to occur and I'm losing interest. It's just a booty call...if it happens. 3. Left Alex a very naughty phone message over the weekend...I've known him for a long time, but I had never done that before now. He loved it and is hoping to meet me in October when I go to Tampa. We'll see...as I might not be together with hubby by then... 4. Had phone sex w/Jeff from Dallas last night. I really like him as a friend...and we discussed briefly the fact that we wished we could meet in person. Good thing he's so far away. I'm in a dual self-destructive/hedonistic mode...which is a bad thing, I realize...but my common sense doesn't seem to be affecting my drives too much at this time. I can realize what's going on, but it doesn't seem to phase me. It's like I'm two different people...the rational observer and the out of control hedonist. I need out. I know it...maybe I'd care more about things if I wasn't so unhappy. So, anyhow, that's what up with me. Oh, while I was at dinner w/hubby and son on Friday, I mentioned to our friend, who was serving us at our favorite restaurant about how someone had told me that day that I sounded like I was 16...hubby whispered something in our friend's ear...our friend turned beet-red and I asked him to repeat what was said because I didn't hear hubby. Friend refused to tell me, but said "it's a compliment". In the car, hubby told me that he said, "yeah, and she fucks like one too." Oh, and after two months of nothing, had sex w/hubby on Sunday morning... it was okay...hubby apologized for cumming quickly but he said he excuse was that we hadn't done it for so long...oh-kay... |