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It's Monday morning and I'm back here again...just finished reading more of Neil's back entries...I worry about him...of course...mostly because he is there and I am here and there is little I can do for him. I have decided that I'm not going to be meeting those guys who want to do a 3some and/or 4some. It's just too weird of a situation...and it would just be meaningless sex anyhow...and I don't have sex just for it to be meaningless...do I? I'm not sure anymore. Rich accuses me of being cavalier about my attitude towards my encounters with men...or, rather, the fact that I don't seem to worry about certain things. I did explain to him that it was somewhat futile to worry about condoms when the men have been vastily intimate with my genital areas and bodily fluids were already exchanged that way so that condoms would be an exercise in futility...besides, I'm allergic to the latex. I know, it does sound rather flippant...now that I'm admitting it out here. But the fact remains the same. Life with hubby continues to drag on. I hate myself for continuing with the farce....but I'm still not ready to let go. I feel the knife twisting whenever he makes reference to our future plans. I cannot leave him...but I cannot stay with him either. I'm such a coward. Meanwhile, I have a two new phone sex buddies...one is in Atlanta (had ps on Thurs. morning w/him...but he got interrupted and had to hang up abruptly) and one in Dallas (did it twice on Sat...two separate phone calls). Yes, I know...I'm just addicted to phone sex, I think... there's a weird sort of rush that comes from having phone sex...not to mention the orgasms...I'm weird, I know. |