|
|
|
So, here I am...the day is over...I'm waiting for the husband to pick me up...he called about an hour ago to ask for my permission to go to a strip club w/some attorneys from his work...he claims they wanted to take him there...it's a sleezy one...and I suspect it was all just an act for whomever he was standing in front of when he made the call...sort of trying to pretend he's pussywhipped...but he isn't...he just likes to give the image that he is... sort of absolves him of culpability later on...whatever... So, what is sex if there's no love involved...just a plain ole booty call... that's what it boils down to, I guess. I'm somewhat confused...or something like that. Case in point, was talking w/Chuck... we are talking again, after a week of ignoring each other. He has said that he's going to be falling in love with anyone any time soon...then I asked him if that meant that anyone he met was going to be "booty call"...he said that that is what it was going to have to be...which disturbs me...and causes me to feel guilt...which could be his true intention...who's to know at this point? Meanwhile, there's some other guy I've spent even less time talking with in IM or on the phone, and he signs off by saying "love ya"...how very nonchalant... I don't tend to be that free with that sentiment...I want it to mean something...but I don't know if he says it because he feels affection for me and what I represent...don't ask me exactly what that is...I'm not sure yet... And, now looking back at what I've done thus far and the people I've been with... I can honestly say that I was kidding myself then...all but the first were booty calls. The first one will always be special...it was a big experiment that worked out in our favor and in the favor of the booty calls that came afterwards... Silly, isn't it? And, now I have a friend at work calling me a "slut"...but she claims it to mean nothing bad...I still feel the negative connotations...but not enough to emphatically say that I'm going to stop anything at this point and time. I'm "selective"...yes, that's it... I'm definitely not going to be meeting with the "let's do a random 3some" guys... I'm tired of throwing myself at Jay, so he will have to make the next move if he's serious about any of the shit he talks about in IM...and, I'm considering someone new... But I'm not going to rush out and have sex w/just anyone... Zaph told me depressing stats about anal sex that I have to keep in mind now...maybe I should carry though on my threat to join a convent...that might be interesting... I'm just babbling now...I miss Oz, who is off in schooling...he's not around in the late afternoons to pester... and I am trying hard to not pester Zaph so much...even though I did call him 3 times today...lol...the cell phone is a lovely thing. Okay, got to be going...almost time to be picked up...I hope... |