Tues, 030610: Random Ponderings // 2003-06-10 // 7:55 a.m.

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lmao...was just reading an old entry from the 4th of June...when I claimed that I would be "selective"...then, the next day, I did exactly the opposite! I will say that my rationalization that day was askew because of really horrible phone sex that morning...with some guy who had a lovely photo in his profile but whose voice was, frankly...very "gay" sounding...but I was too damned polite to hang up on him...so I faked phone sex (which was maybe the second or third time that I've honestly ever had to do that) and I got the hell outta there. Meanwhile, found myself to be rather horny, so I ended up arranging a booty call for lunch, with someone who was more than willing to scratch my "itch"... problems were as follows: 1. he is married; 2. he decided to take me back to his house; 3. he got extremely nervous doing it on the couch at his house; 4. he feared his wife would come home at any second; 5. I was too much stimulation for him; and, 6. he came prematurely...all in all, a "sucked big boulders" sort of experience. Anyhow, I really have decided not to repeat that experience again...again, I was damned polite and told him that it was okay... even if I never actually totally experienced an orgasm during the entire event...c'est la vie, once again.

Meanwhile, still juggling stuff... still trying to figure out why I'm here... I can't believe that the entire purpose of my life was to help hundreds of kids survive college and matriculate with their sanities intact (somewhat)... or that I exist solely for the raising and nurturing of my son... can that be it? And, if so, why the hell can't I be content with that?

The more I think I know...the more I realize that I really know nothing at all...but that doesn't seem to stop me from being rather optimistic about my own personal outcome...silly me...

Luckily, work begins...so I don't need to write anything else...for now.


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