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Shit...wrote most of an entry, and it disappeared...a little joke of the keyboard and/or diary gods...maybe that wasn't supposed to be... Anyhow, I ran into Drew last night... a blast from the past...a dear friend and one of my first Father Confessors... we had a great time chatting...even while I was fending off questions then a proposition from the guy I had met for lunch yesterday...he told me that I was a "great piece of ass"...there's suave for you... yes, I realize that I need to leave him alone...so, I did... changed accounts, but I took Drew with me...and we chatted for a little while longer about random things, in the wee hours of the morning...until I had to go. This morning, I left David a voice message and he called me back...our conversation started off well but took a weird turn...and now we're both mad and frustrated and I am at a loss as to what to do. I realize that I have a tendency to run from the very things I want...or desire...or think I want and/or desire... and it looks like it's happening again. I'm afraid to meet David for a variety of reasons; some of it has to do with him, some of it has to do with someone else, but most of it has to do with me. And, I cannot even attempt to explain what's going on in my head without sounding like an idiot, basically. And, heaven forbid that I sound like an idiot... My heart hurts and I'm not sure what I can do to stop it from hurting... wait, I guess...until I either hear from David again or the hurting fades to a dull memory...I remember the drill... |