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Meeting with the divorce attorney went as well as could be expected. He had a lot of good points, some good suggestions and ideas and he actually asked me whether or not it was something I really wanted to do...and it was utterly humiliating to have to explain little parts of my life and cite reasons why I knew I was ready. Still, somewhat cathartic as well. I'm sort of numb now...definitely in some sort of wacky survivor mode...I need to make it to next week...hold it together long enough to pretend that everything is okay while I make preparations to leave. My father is upset, I can hear it in his voice when he calls and speaks to me. We don't have that good of a relationship that I can sit them down and tell them everything. They know some stuff...they were there the last time hubby tried to leave me...and they are probably still trying to make sense of it all. Still, I think that they knew it was coming. Meanwhile, my mind is running a thousand miles a minute, or something like that. I have no focus at all whatsoever...luckily the sr. partner is out of town so he can't witness my lack of focus...lol...the new favorite song around the office is "All by Myself" as my partner-in-crime continues to lament about my departure. I have no doubts as to whether or not I'm doing the right thing...I know it's right for me...and someday I hope that my son will realize that it was the best thing that I could do given the situation and circumstance. I don't want hubby to forgive me, but to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. Neither of us has changed enough to the other's satisfaction. And why should we torture ourselves until our son comes into his majority just so that we can provide him some semblance of a "normal life"...not my idea of fun, that's for sure. I don't expect people to understand...I'm sure I'll get lots of grief from hubby's side of the family...but I will survive that. Funny thing is that people are offering to help me move. Which is incredibly sweet of them...and I might actually take some people up on their offers. I have a little over a week. |