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Drat! I thought I had written something for today...but it was somewhere else. I am in a weird mood...somewhat frantically trying to occupy my mind so that I don't have to think about the depressing stuff. Been chatting a lot with Jason today ... and it was fun...granted, he's about to desert me for the wilds of San Fran, but I'm very happy for him as it sounds like a good career move and all that rot. I will miss him as he's been a good friend and someone I find rather easy to talk to...easier than other men I've met online...and I will miss that. If we get a chance and he doesn't leave before I move up there, we'll probably meet. Have an account in myspace.com, but you have to join in order to be able to read the journal I'm keeping there. Just f.y.i. The account is in my "real" name...surprising, I know... but I was following Jason's lead on that one. Tomorrow is Saturday, finally get to go to the Greenmarket...then it's off to the Science Museum. In a way, this is really making me feel conflicted...mostly because I am silently telling myself that each event is "the last time I'll be doing this as a married woman". I need to do this...right? I feel so bad because I am worried about how Pete will react. I'm sure he'll be mad at me for awhile...I'd be surprised if he wasn't. But, I don't want him to think that I'm trying to cut him out of Petey's life...I just can't live with him anymore...oh, God, I'm beginning waffle...but I can't... I can't lose my nerve because I've "burned the bridge" as far as work is concerned. Must move forward...must believe that there will be a time when Pete and Petey won't hate me for what I'm about to do. My newest fear is that I won't find the peace I think will occur after I do all this...but I'm sure it won't happen right away...I just hope it will come sooner rather than later. Well, that's it for this Halloween...me and my silver horns are outta here. |